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Worried about your behaviour

Are you worried about your behaviour?

Are you concerned about your behaviour in your current or previous relationship?

If your answer to this question is yes, please continue reading…

Abuse is something that is said or done that hurts another person. Abusive behaviour does not always mean physical violence. You may be controlling in a range of ways, which include physical, sexual, psychological, social or economic abuse or neglect of an individual. Abuse doesn't just happen. Rather than being about loss of control, as a lot of people think, most of the time it's about you trying to be in control of the behaviour of your partner rather than you being in control of your own behaviour.

Domestic abuse is a number of abusive behaviours, both physical and non-physical, that may occur frequently or infrequently. Domestic abuse is not a single event it usually takes place over time.

Am I being abusive?

If you have used any of the following behaviours towards your partner or ex-partner, then realise that these behaviours are abusive.

This list is not complete there are many other behaviours that are abusive (see What is Domestic Abuse for more information.) You might have done some things only once or twice, but in many cases you’ll notice that there is a pattern to the abusive things you do. By making yourself more aware of your abusive behaviours it will become easier to make changes.

Abusive behaviours

Read the following list of abusive behaviours and think carefully about your behaviour and relationship:

  • Psychological & emotional abuse:
    Calling your partner names, shouting at them, smashing things, putting your partner down, standing over them, threatening to harm them, threatening to harm the children, threatening to harm yourself, controlling who they see, checking up on them
  • Physical abuse:
    Slapping-punching, hitting, pushing, kicking, grabbing, using a weapon, strangling, choking.
  • Economic abuse:
    Restricting your partners access or use of resources such as money, car and phone
  • Intimidation:
    Violence or threats of violence against your partner, children, family, friends, pets or property.
  • Sexual abuse:
    Pressuring your partner, touching them against their will, forcing sex against their will, sulking or punishing them for not having sex, raping your partner, humiliating your partner sexually
  • Use of children:
    Being violent or making threats of violence against children, placing children into dangerous situations, forcing children to participate in the abuse, fighting over custody or visitation, repeated undermining of your partner’s parenting or making false reports to Child Protection Services
  • Post-separation abuse:
    Making unwelcome contact by phone/text/letter/email/via relatives/friends, waiting for your ex-partner outside their home/workplace/children’s school without their agreement, checking up on their movements in some way, for example looking them up on Facebook


Contact us: we want to help

It can be difficult to face up to problems and ask for help. Support is available if you would like to change your behaviour.  Changing abusive behaviours is a long process and there is no quick or easy solution. You may find it helpful to talk to someone about your thoughts and behaviour.

In Worcestershire we have the Action for Change programme which supports men to change their abusive behaviour.  If you would like to talk to someone about your situation and would like to find out what support is available please contact the Stonham Action For Change Programme (0845 155 0395).

You can also call Worcestershire's 24-hour Domestic Abuse helpline (0800 980 3331) today to talk to someone in confidence.

Below are some links that may help you to recognise if your behaviour is abusive:

Further Information

In this section

More Information

See also in our website

External websites

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This page was last reviewed 14 June 2013 at 14:44.
The page is next due for review 11 December 2014.